As I began to jot this little make up ditty that should have been done yesterday, I reflect on the news I have heard through the day and even scan quickly over what ever notes I have made regarding stories I want to write about or touch base on later in the day. I take the time normally to look up links to the stories that I write about so you, the reader, can have confidence that I am referring to real stories and also so you can look into the stories more at your leisure.

Tonight I was pretty much shit out of luck.

A bust.

I was a searching fool. A lot of what interested me just wasn’t coming up.

So this essay is entirely reference free. I can not link you. If you are curious abut one subject or another, google your brains out and then tell me what you have found.

Hopefully my mind will serve me right, along with my memory:

We will start out with the most disgusting and repulsive story of the day. Phillip Distasio (this is the ONLY story I found a link to via CNN, so I know I spelled his name right). Phillip Distasio. Arcadian Fields Ministries. This is the name of the church that he is a leader at. This is a sick and disturbed man who is currently facing 74 counts of rape, corruption through drugs and pandering obscenity to minors in Ohio. This whole story really nauseates me. I’m physically ill while I write this. Phillip is acting as his own lawyer and is quite proud of being a pedophile. Did you catch that, ‘proud’?

Distasio said, “"I'm a pedophile. I've been a pedophile for 20 years. The only reason I'm charged with rape is that no one believes a child can consent to sex. The role of my ministry is to get these cases out of the courtrooms."

Read that statement again. Phillip Distasio. Arcadian Fields Ministries.

Accusations have been made on behalf of two disabled boys who claim molestation and seven autistic children who have allegedly been raped. Only one of the children was over the age of thirteen.

Have you thrown up yet?

I have.

Story two is the crazy doctor who told the fat woman that “only black men” would like her becasue of her ass size and when asked by a recovering brain surgery patient about something to help her headache, he recommended a gun to blow out her brains, saying that “that would work”. It isn’t so much of a story when it is written next to the telling of Phillip Distasio. The doctor is allowed to be a prick to his patients if he wants to be. This is what has been ruled.  The repercussions and consequence of him being a douche bag is that eventually he’ll have no patients and if he wants to work in the field of medicine then he will be forced to subject himself to cadaver work in the morgue or a stint in the penile system, corrections that is. Maybe he will get to cure Distasio’s sniffles one day.

Bedside what?

I know with everything in Israel and Lebanon that, maybe I should be writing about that. I look at it as return after intermission or sitting down after the seventh inning stretch. The uncertainty of the extent of any future U.S. involvement since Afghanistan and Iraq put the party of Canaan on pause; a simple and very faux hiatus. The U.S. is wind dick waving and the party is set to eleven.

Can you hear me? Do you care?

I am much more concerned about Elvis’ teddy bear or Mel Gibson’s round of apologies ad infinitum.

I tried to google Wookie, Wooky, and Wuki Museum in Britain and could not find the story of the good guard dog gone bad. The new guard dog, who I think was named Howard, decided after he was on the job for about half a dozen nano seconds that eating the teddy bears and other stuff collectables that he was guarding was a great idea. Love me tender! Stuffing abound.

On a side note: I recently realized that Jesus and Elvis (from a sylabic and metre stand point) are interchangeable in songs. 'Nobody knows the trouble I've seen, nobody knows but Elvis.'

And onto the Mighty Mel. As I wrote here, I have been very, very suspicious about this whole story from the get-go. I am not sure what to believe at this point. From what I understand the original 5,000 dollar bail was not really put up but rather it was a rumor. I never understood the bail to begin with. Now they are saying that Rob Schneider is so appalled that he ran a full page in Variety today that says he will never work for any project having anything to do with Mel Gibson. At the bottom of the ad he plugs his new movie “Big Stan”. Thinking for sure that this was an over the top reaction to some drunken off the cuff words that are protected by the same amendment that let Schneider run the ad to begin with, I dug a little deeper. Shazam! Schneider did the same thing a year ago to promote “Duece Bigalow: European Gigolo” but that time his ad was directed at L.A. Times reporter Patrick Goldstein. It’s just proof that I should be watching a little more C-Span and a little less CNN or Fox.

By the way, Time Magazine reports that Mel did have previous D.U.I. in 1984 while filming in Toronto. This is when he became devout to his faith in order to battle alcholism.

From Willie-Nillie to Willie Nelson. Time magazine gave this weeks "Ten Questions" to Willie Nelson. When asked about his biofuel, BioWillie, he said, “My wife came to me three or four years ago and wanted to buy this Volkswagen Jetta and put biodiesel in it. It sounded like a big scam. I said, ‘You been in my Maui-Wowie again.’ But she bought the car, and it gets good mileage and the tail pipe smells like French fries.”

Save some of the Wowie for me Willie, please?

I’ll touch base on some more fun and fodder from Time tomorrow but one more nook and cranny to butter before I go.

Mako died this past week at the age of 72. All the amazing actors are on their way out. It is like watching T-Rex go anorexic and collapse. Good-bye real actors, Hello Matt Damon and Ben Asslick, I mean Affleck. Some of you might remember him from the film “The Sand Pebbles” but I remember him from the Dino DeLaurentis productions of Conan. Mako was the wizard and what a wizard he was. A little moment of silence would be appreciated by not only his fans but, I am sure, his spirit as well.

Hopefully my google google’s better tomorrow. I sure hope so. I don’t want to present as a hack.

Although I know where that door leads.

Laugh it up, laugh it up.

Calling Herb Stempel, Herb Stempel you have a telephone call ...