Whip me around, toss down my slacks and spank me like a bad man. Is this the sharing of enlightened words by Jim Swaggert or Jim Baker? Nope. This is my delusionally pissed of ass screaming and pulling out my hair until a psychotic split occurs. A split you say, “You mean your crack?” Nope again. It is the crack that our government is smoking. Reminds me of a glass dick reference made by the Goats on a very, very cool album that ALL liberals should listen to.

There are two great “political” albums that actually have AMAZING music to go along with their words of direct and succinct social commentary. One is “The Goats” album “Tricks of the Shade” released on Columbia records in 1992. It is rap done with a full band. They are/were out of Philly. If you hate Bush Senior and Bush now than this album is a listen for you. The other album is Frank Zappa’s “Broadway the Hardway”. Listen to tracks like “Rhyming Man” about Jesse Jackson or other tracks like “Tell Me You Love Me” which is redone on this 1984 album that pokes some fun at Jeanne Kirkpatrick, Michael Jackson, and Arnold Silvestri all in one fast, hard swipe of the conducting baton.

Today at just after 5 p.m. PST, Vicente Fox addressed the California Joint Assembly. Just before that at about 2:30 p.m. PST Senator Banamnesty’s Amnesty bill passed in the Senate.

McCain’s bill passed with a 62-36 vote. Out of all of the Senators representing California, Arizona, New Mexico and Nevada only 2 voted against it. It was a 6-2 majority for the bill in those States. Both Dianne Feinstein (http://feinstein.senate.gov/) and Barbara Boxer (http://boxer.senate.gov/) of California said, “Oh yeah we want it. We want it now.“ There is a lot of talk about this bill “not being amnesty“. I would like to direct you to the writings of Ed Meese (http://www.nndb.com/people/462/000023393/), who was on board in 1986 as Reagan’s Attorney General when the original amnesty bill was passed. He recently wrote an op-ed piece about how ridiculous the claim that the new bill is “not amnesty” actually is. The rigmarole that ILLEGALS will have to go through, according to the Senate bill, is almost identical to the ‘86 bill that was correctly called AMNESTY. As a matter of fact, if you look up amnesty in Black’s Law Dictionary (http://www.knowprose.com/node/943) there is a direct reference to the 1986 laws. Can it get anymore obvious? What the hell are they all thinking? I mean come on 62-36? What the fuck!!!!!!!!!!!! I rain applause down upon the courageous 36.

McCain (http://mccain.senate.gov/) is actually very upset that we are not going to offer the Earned Income Credit to the ILLEGALS. They even wanted the ILLEGALS to get past E.I.C., FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! He referenced the 130,000 demonstrators crowding the streets of Phoenix on May 1^st (the communist holiday May Day) as a reason to respond to the outrages of ILLEGAL immigration discrimination. If it takes a mere and miniscule 130,000 to change policy in order to benefit that small number than I am definitely in the WRONG country. I thought I was in America. McCain, Senator Banamnesty, says that denying them of this tax bonus is like making “work authorized immigrants have to ride in the back of the bus”. I guess I am missing the bus. I just don’t get it. Did he leave his brain in the wicker basket of detainment he spent five years in over in Vietnam? I am going to say “yes“. We need to shout loud at this man. I have respect for his service to this country during the Vietnam War but I am no longer going to use that as some sort of quasi respect that prevents me from telling him that he is insane.

To go back to Ed Meese again briefly, He was on the John and Ken Show (http://www.johnandkenshow.com/) today just prior to Mexican Presidente Vicente Fox’s address. Mr. Meese says that McCain is doing nothing more than trying to “pull the wool over our eyes”. When asked what is going through Bush’s mind (some of you would say nothing and on this subject of debate I agree wholeheartedly) he responded by saying that he knows Bush well and that the two things that come to mind are compassion and political benefit a.k.a. VOTES. Did I miss something? I thought ILLEGAL aliens could not vote. If they can, again, I am leaving. I am sure many of you liberals out there would like that. Keep in mind it is the “World” Wide Web not the “American” Wide Web. I would still be here. The failure of the initial 1986 amnesty bill, according to Meese, is that the “resources were not sufficient enough to deal with the problem”. The wave of ILLEGAL immigration was heightened by the granting of amnesty and the border patrol and INS could not keep up with the spike in border flow. Meese concluded by saying the failure of the Senate bill is three point: it is not fair to those already in line, it rewards law breaking, and it creates a magnet for the failure of any amnesty bill passed by the U.S. I have not always seen eye to eye with any of Mr. Meese’s actions or statements but on this one we are pupil to pupil. Black holes of congruence.

The newly approved Senate bill now gets to duke it out with the House bill, which is approved by a 2:1 majority according to numerous polls taken of American citizens. Let’s see what happens. If you could not tell, I am hoping for the House bill.

By the way, Time magazine columnist Joe Klein (http://www.time.com/time/columnist/klein) wrote a piece this week called “Bush Is Smarter on the Border - and the GOP Isn’t”. He calls all Americans who believe in closed borders and ILLEGAL immigration reform not including amnesty as extreme Nativists. He also says that people like me are nothing more than lonely angry white men who kept down the African Americans during the civil rights movement of the ‘60’s. Anyone for the House bill is a 20 - 30 year old white man living in a red rural county that does not have a significant ILLEGAL population (under 5%). Obviously Joe Klein is too busy felching John McCain and cleaning up from many homo erotic Cleveland Steamer sessions with L.A. Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa. Hey Joe, clean the shit out of your throat and off of your chest; LOOK AROUND THROUGH YOUR BEADY LITTLE LIBERAL RAG EYES! You are so far off base that I can only assume you are blinded from wearing Ted Kennedy’s ass as a hat! After all of the rubbish in this weeks Time, I really, really am debating requesting a FULL refund for my three year advance purchase subscription. I won’t because I love their obituaries. Hopefully Mr. Klein’s will be listed soon, right next to McCain’s.

There are a few California state representatives that I would like to tip my hat to due to the actions or pre-actions regarding tonight’s address by Vicente Fox. Tom McClintock (http://republican.sen.ca.gov/web/mcclintock/), Chuck Devore (http://republican.assembly.ca.gov/members/index.asp?Dist=70&Lang=1), and Dennis Hollingsworth (http://republican.sen.ca.gov/web/36/). These men are part of a short list of representatives that refused to go and listen to the bloating of a foreign leader who condones and supports the breaking of our Nation’s laws by a clever rhythm of double speak coming from a forked tongue of deception and greed. The Assembly Rules Committee declared this morning that if any representative did not attend that they would be “publicly reprimanded”. All I can picture is some deformed socialist statue of Trotsky or a mauled Lenin shaking their big heavenly fingers of communism down at the representatives that stood up for justice by not sitting down to hear evil speak.

I am convinced, based on how El Presidente talks, that he is really a vampire. After everything his baritone/monotone/paused out voice says, I expect to hear a blah, blah, blah, I want to suck your blood. I can’t wait to hear him publicly count. Something tells me, beyond the corruption money that goes in his pockets, that he can NOT count.

His address tonight started a bit late. About five minutes late. The whole big happy socialist gala started out with Assembly Speaker Fabian Nunez (http://democrats.assembly.ca.gov/members/a46/mainpage.htm) introducing the whole world. All the wives, the pets, the little people, the dust bunnies from home - EVERYONE. Ridiculous back patting. I suspect that they all stole Pee Wee Herman’s door knocking hand and stretched the fingers out for some serious shoulder tapping. He then proudly introduced fellow assembly man Don Perada (http://democrats.sen.ca.gov/templates/SDCTemplate.asp?cp=MemberPage&pg=senhome&sln=Perata&sdn=09&zrn=Zone/). UUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! What a douche bag! Nunez then comes back on and before introducing Fox says something that will blow all of your socks off like a cheap combat zone whore on meth. Are your socks attached? Are you holding on tight? A.S. Fabian Nunez said that “Mexico has replaced Japan as our first exchange of commerce”. This must have something to do with the fiscal rating of the human beings that are smuggled back and forth over the border. I wonder if this is true? I am quite sure it is not. If it is then I am positive it is why Allan Greenspan stepped down.

Trumpets ready … BLOW …

El Presidente Vicente Fox (http://www.vicentefox.org.mx/) then gets up to speak, if that is what you would like to call it. For fifteen minutes he slowly, like sap from a tree hole, talked about Mexico as if he was running for office. Oh wait, damn, he IS running for office. In about six weeks he will no longer be Mexico’s President, unless there is a miracle or a little bit of that South of the Border corruption. But he is not running for office here in America. Oh wait, He was talking in L.A. which should still be part of Mexico and well, let’s face it, most of his voters are here ILLEGALLY.

He spoke of a Mexico with free and fair elections, with separation of power, that follows the rule of law. Is he talking about the same Mexico? All you have to do is go to Tijuana and you can quite simply see that is not true. He went on and on, still slow as molasses, about human rights, inflation, and the reform of previous corruptions; ALL in Mexico.

The first set of applause for him, after his rise to the podium, came after he said that Mexico “will respect the enforcement of our laws”. Yeah, all right, uh huh, ok. I feel like Joan Cussak on the Sixteen Candles bus acknowledging the absurdity of Anthony Michael Hall’s dating claims. Shall I boogie and shimmy with a big fat dyke at the school gym dance? There was also a reference, right after the applause, to a “comprehensive reform that benefits both countries”. Ding! Ding! Ding! - BUZZ WORD - “comprehensive”. Ahhhh, Vicente, we love you!

Just before concluding the super socialist speech of wanna be compromise he actually said something that really made me think. No one that I have listened to or watched covering it has mentioned this line. My eyebrows furled. Are you still holding your socks? He said, “Mexico is proud of it’s peoples here”. Think hard and long, long and hard, about that. Pretend it is the Ron Jeremy of thoughts. “it’s peoples here” - sounds like an acknowledgement of assimilation lacking. Mexico is also proud of it’s peoples who are felons, who are internationally embezzling monies back home, participating in document fraud and human smuggling. BRAVO! I would be proud too, you dumb son of a bitch!

Just so you know - that dirty cocksucker has cost us 60 billion dollars accumulated by the needs of his people here ILLEGALLY. 60 Billion dollars he did not need to spend in his farcical “strong economy”.

Ok. I am a dirty bastard. That makes my point illegitimate. I am no Lou Dobbs. I am no Rush Limbaugh. I am no Ann Coulter. I am no Sean Hannity. With the exception of Ann’s hot ass and Rush’s bank account, I am ok with that. I am the drunken sailor version of them all. I am what people think about and do not say. I am what men say to each other while having a slobbering reunion revolving around numerous rounds of “lick the gas can”.

You can all call me names. If some of you are than I know I am doing my job well. I take what I write here very seriously. I don’t think I am going to end up with 7 digits of money gained by fall or an interview by The Ofrah. Larry King, Greta Van Sustern, Anderson Cooper, and Neil Cavuto are not calling me for interview time. I can’t even get on as a caller to local radio. I am very content with that. I know what is right. I know what is wrong. A spade is a spade and now I am more of a racist for using that word. Las Vegas card rooms beware!

I say what I think and a bit of it is saucy to say the very least.

I have been accused of being inarticulate because of some of my potty mouth.

No “cheese and crackers” or “jiminy Christmas” here. I don’t say “fudge” beyond that chocolate candy delight or unless it has to do with adult endeavors in the middle of the night.

Good night sweet prince. Lay me down slow and know that I am just as sane as any of the voices in any of your heads.

I know who I am, you think you know who I am, do you know who you are? That is the strand of sanity that will get us to Friday when I begin to write in Spanish …

Bubblegum, bubblegum, in a dish. How many pieces do you wish? Punch ‘em out. Hit those fists. Life can easily be simplified down to children’s games.

 What is gum really? Something you chew up until there is no flavor left and then spit out. Or leave it up underneath a bench, chair, or desk for the inevitable scraping. A hat tip to the putty knives of janitors everywhere. More sticky messes than prom night.

I am distracted right now due to my own little soap opera. Anonymity is a coward’s game. So is revenge and spite. I may not have the most fair series of experiences that make up my life but I certainly do not wish them upon anyone else. I also don’t hide behind big fierce friends. I take my punches and I roll with them.

I live in a horseshoe of condos and there is assigned parking for one car. There are other community spaces that are to be used by guests and to use for your extra car. However you are not supposed to have abandoned vehicles or ones that are inspirational. I do not drive anymore. I car pool with my lady to and from work. My truck sits in a spot right outside my window. It is a community spot. I drive it around the block on Mondays in order to keep it running. Last week I received a ticket on it from the security guard explaining that it must be moved or it will be either towed or shoed. Yesterday I received a nasty note from some nosy Parker here in the complex. Of course there was no signature on this nice little note. It is titled “This is just a warning”. Tonight I found out who it was as I was beginning to write my piece. This would lend to my current distraction. A Latino woman who lives right next door to me on the second floor, who as many “questionable” friends (who I have been told are gang members by other neighbors), was in the lot and flung her hand towards my car and yelled “Move your fucking car”. I told my lady who proceeded to charge her 4’10’’ frame out there to demand an answer. See, I am allowed to have my car there, it just needs to move and be able to run. It does. After an attempt at civil discourse it reverted to a swearing match with the woman denying she wrote the note but divulging that she knew every line of what is said in it’s contents. Some of the lines are in Orange. I wonder if she is a disgruntled reader. Cest la vie. The woman explained that her car was towed once as one of her two male compatriots blew smoke in my lady's face.  I am quite sure both our cars will be vandalized tonight which will then inspire me to call the Sheriff, Immigration, the DEA, and Social Services. I am a nice guy until people want to fuck with me, my lady, or my kid; then it is Sayonara!

Onto bigger and better things … politics …

There are many gum balls in our congress. There are many gum balls in each of our state legislatures. I would like to chew them all up and spit them out. I am sure that many of you feel the same way. This urge to tell our representatives that they are not representing us crosses party lines in my book. Hastert is on my shit list right now. So is Senator Bananmnesty. David Dryer always is. The list goes on and has no party allegiance.

I mentioned William Jefferson on Monday. Today all of the Senator jack asses are upset about FBI warrants. No goose or gander in their minds I suppose. They were also screaming “Separation of Powers”. These are the same men and women that would rant for hours about how delusional and insane Richard Nixon was even though that was his big defense regarding those infamous tapes. Hastert today was linked to bribes that he took from ultra fab Jack Abrahmoff. Bribe and embezzle your way into office and hope to stay there. Something has got to change.

From that platform of lunacy and contradiction I am going to dive into the pool of State affairs, California State affairs that is.

L.A. Mayor Villaraigosa plans on reopening the Office of Immigration Affairs. This office closed last year due to lack of available funding. The office informs ILLEGAL immigrants, in Spanish, how to take advantage of social services such as welfare. The Mayor is insane. He is also planning on setting up double car pool or HOV lanes on some of the L.A. freeways. These lanes do not work and really do the exact opposite of what they intend to do. There are many other solutions to L.A.’s traffic problem and this should not be one of them. I think it was Christie Whitman in New Jersey that abolished those pesky HOV lanes there. They are just not cost effective unless you take into consideration the Federal subsidies for State Transportation Departments that come with marked lanes for vehicles with more than one passenger. All of this money is never actually used properly but rather thrown into State slush funds to fall back on when the leaders can not add one and one properly.

More on math in a minute but one more car story …

California State Democrat Ira Ruskin, a member of the State Assembly Transportation Committee, has come up with one hell of a ridiculous idea that stems from some delusional pipe dream of communism to be forced upon the citizens of this ludicrous state. It is AB 2791. I know this may be when I lose you all. People who like politics find it difficult to follow sincerely the politics of another State but please bear with me. AB 2791 will use a list created by the State Legislature and the Air Resources Board of naughty cars and nice cars. The list of bad cars start off with SUV’s then Mini-Vans, then work Trucks, then Luxury Sedans and so on. The nice car list consists exclusively of Hybrids. The bill proposes to add a tax of 2500 dollars or MORE to purchasers of “bad” cars and offer that back as a rebate to purchasers of “good” cars. After a brief stint in the Appropriations Committee, in which it is guaranteed to pass because of the socialist democrat legislators here in California, it will go to the floor for a final vote. Everyone suggests that it will pass unless the citizens of California speak up. SPEAK UP DAMNIT! Do we really want the government fiscally penalizing us some and financially reprimanding others based on consumer choices? Communist Santa, all dressed in RED, telling us what is good for one and bad for us all. BAD friggin’ idea!

I promised a smidgen about math and here it is.

I am sure that some of you are aware of the court rulings here in California regarding the high school exit exams. The exits exams were set up to ensure that high school graduates have a minimum tenth grade level education in English and an eighth grade level regarding Math. Every student is afforded six chances to pass this test prior to graduation. Easy right? I guess not since 46,000 students can not pass these test requirements. I have written about this before and I find it disgusting. The State Supreme Court ruled today that they are going to uphold the testing requirements but those that call the tests racist are going to continue to fight for the graduating class of 2006’s ignorant. Keep in mind the test has been around over three years. They are just now implementing it for this years graduating class. Disappointed by the passing percentage, Governor Schwarzenner is going to offer three more chances, making a total of nine attempts available, and allocating 55 million dollars to a tutoring program specifically for test preparation. This state is fucked up!

Lots of potty mouth tonight while I wait for chollos to smash in my car windows or key the paint.

I at least have the decency to put my name where my mouth is. I don’t run around making idle threats. I don’t abuse the system for my own benefit. Am I a dying breed? It would appear so.

I try not to get into the business of my neighbors. I hope people stay out of mine. I am a good guy, I just don’t put up with shit.

I much rather just spit out the gumballs and grab a piece of candy.

When Friday comes around, I know I will have a good story or two. I just don’t want to experience them in order to tell them …

Ok all I have to say is:

William Jefferson, Democrat - Louisianna

William Jefferson, Democrat - Louisianna

William Jefferson, Democrat - Louisianna

I am done.

It was a long weekend of revelation and insight. I changed this weekend. I became a bigger man. I thank everyone here who helped with that.

I am sending out bumper stickers today to the helpers that want to get my word out.

My poetry can be found at reknowltoniii.blogspot.com/

I wasn't going to mix and mingle the two but I am over it - which is one of my mantras.

I posted a bunch of poetry last night and I have had numerous hits. Statcounter tells me it is not only the US but also Taiwan, Canada, Germany, and the Philipines. I also should not forget Malaysia.

I am ok. I need no rant today. The only thing I need to point out is:

William Jefferson, Democrat - Louisianna

William Jefferson, Democrat - Louisianna

Willima Jefferson, Democrat - Louisianna

Quotes:

"Man is made by his belief. As he believes, so he is" - Bhagavad-Gita

"If only we could pull out our brain and use only our eyes" - Pablo Picasso

And of course my writing mantra:

"Writing something to leave behind is yet another kind of dream: When I awake I know that there will be no one to read it." - Zen Master Ikkyu

Sharpen up the razor and start shaving. Shave what you can. Men and women know what that means to them. We are all different and deserve respect.

Last I checked we were not amoebas.

SMILE!

Remember that how you look is what affects others not what you say in private rooms of delusion.

By smiling we say thank you all the time.

Spread it around.

William Jefferson, Democrat - Louisiana.

Take me in, spread me like jelly, lick it up.

I am sweet, I promise you that, well, until Wednesday ...

I might write again today but when all is said and done it comes down to my mantras, these are what I live by ...

"I am over it"

"Things have a way of working out" - thank you Layton!

"I am not here to save the world but rather to save myself"

Sock it to me hump day ... and you better make it hurt while you call me bitch ...

Here is something that most of you don’t know. I participated in the thwarting of a terrorist event. I helped, almost single handedly, stop something horrific from happening. It was just over a year ago. I know now-a-days that we just rather shun it all into bad memory land or discard it into the “I don’t want to see or hear it” pile, but I thought this bonus essay is a good opportunity to bring it up as well as elaborate for those who I have briefly mentioned this to.

I borrowed a copy of Kevin Trudeau’s “Natural Cures ‘They’ Don’t Want You to Know About” and thought that that in coalition with my racist buddy who sells Hoodia, or whatever that Shit is called , would make for a good little bonus piece that would allow me to talk about health and racism in one essay. America, What a Country!

Onto my fab experience in the fabulous airport world. Keep in mind this happened last February, 2005. Yes that is right, the 2005 that happened AFTER September 11, 2001.

Great googlie-mooglie!

I travel a lot to see my family. I have done such since I was 12. Twelve is my magic number. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12, tweeeeeeeelve. ELEVEN! The amount of time zones in the former Soviet Union. The pin ball can mean more than the pin or the ball. Get some balls but don’t be a cologne!

Last February, when my life changed completely, I traveled to Tampa to pick up my Daughter in order to travel to my Dad’s house in Peabody ( a North eastern Suburb of Boston) for my Daughter’s fourth birthday, this was the February before last, she is now five. We traveled to Boston on the wings of the very early hours of her fourth birthday. Like Bill Cosby has said, “I’m four years old!”

I, admittedly, spent a couple days on either end to get “friendly” with a gusher that I had met in the Las Vegas airport the September before. She was nice enough to purchase me a couple drinks on the plane, returning to Tampa, and gave me a percoset or two and gave me a twenty to spend in the airport that night while I awaited my return to Orange County’s John Wayne Airport (that’s really the name, when you are there look at the statue).

When I go to see my child in Tampa, I spend the night in the airport. I can not afford accommodations. So, I spend the night reading and talking to people. I am well acquainted with the one arm bandit that works at the Burger King (the only restaurant open 24-7 at Tampa Airport), the floor cleaners, the tram security and the TGIF bartenders. I have met lots of people from Tampa and elsewhere that have made my stay pleasant. It is amazing what a few bar flies and floor scrubbers and register punchers can do for the sanity of a man’s stay in an airport.

Ophelia, where have you gone? I hope it isn’t just the extent of Dan Akroyd’s pants!

So we had a seven a.m. flight. I was there all night reading the paper back version of the 9-11 Report and a bit of John Updike’s book “Couples”. Adam - read this and the “Q” letters.

My ex wife arrived and graciously handed over the munchkin. The smiles my daughter’s face can explain while looking and running to Daddy is amazing. I really am a privileged man to be the Father of a Daughter. I know a Son would spit too much!

If you are unfamiliar with Tampa/St.Pete Airport then you are missing out. It is a hub. On either side there are elevator towers taking you to where you need to go. There are escalators in the center to bring you up and down as well. The parking garage roof tops of smokers descent are phenomenal as you can watch the tower and the planes take off but also you can gaze into the windows of the airport hotel and pretend to be E. Howard Hunt.

Ok, so it is about 5:15 on a fabulous February morning. Tampa Airport requires that you take one of the six spoke trams out to the individual terminals and then go through security. You are required at Tampa to show ID at least three times. So my daughter and I (dressed in my ultra fab black suit of superiority) walk up around 6 a.m. to the Tram train guard in order to show ID and get to the terminal that is appropriate to the departure point of destination.

Upon handing ID’s and itineraries to the tram guard , I was approached by an Asian woman with a guitar case that was duct tapped closed. She asked if I was going to Boston. I said yes. She insisted that I take this guitar. The ID checker stated that she had a relative that could use it. The Asian woman asked if she was going to Boston, she said no. I said that I was not going to take it. She repeatedly asked about my Boston destination. I repeatedly said I was not going to take the case. The Asian women carrying the case grabbed the case back and exclaimed that if no one going to Boston was going to carry the case she was going to keep it. She grabbed the case and ran away. This was going on while L.A. radio was talking about the Chinese nuclear scientists taking a cab through Mexico and mentioned nuclear weapon secrets. The guitar was supposedly a good guitar!

I mentioned this to the tram security who was more bummed out of the lack of guitar acquirement. I then mentioned it to the security affiliates of the NSA/TSA. Three of them at the detectors that denied me and were much more concerned about my shoes setting off a detector. I had just traveled the night before and knew my shoes were not setting off Jack Shit! I guess protocol is more important. No need to ask Asian women about duct tapped guitar cases that are being pushed upon passengers harder than amway.

I was at a wrong gate when I got down to the Jet Blue ramp. A stewardess asked me where I was going. She directed me to the right gate. I mentioned the Asian duct taped guitar case to her and her jaw dropped. We exchanged 9-11 stories. She was at JFK in NYC the day of the attacks. I had watched live as I had come home from a graveyard shift.

Ninety minutes later we boarded after the Jet Blue rep had told me that she had told the TSA manager who looked into it. I told her that I would not board if I saw a guitar case.

I was told by that rep that the case had "very, very dangerous materials". I was thanked. When I boarded my daughter was sang “Happy Birthday” by the whole plane at the prompting of the rep on the intercom.

Thank you Jet Blue!

Thank you Boston!

Tampa - fix it!

I am happy to help and hope that most will help as much as that stewardess!

Drink ‘em down, listen to the Goats, read the Pushkin, and know where it comes from.

Do the dugs dig dug?

Until Monday rock on and out …

Dance, dance, dance, uh huh. Ok, the floor sparkles with nonsensical glitter as the skirts fly high and the men gallantly hide out of insecurity. Another night in Club Current Events. Funny how I can’t seem to keep my fingers away from the keyboard on a night that requires a post.

I have come to terms with a bit of my isolated feelings regarding politics and the headlines are to blame for my new need to assimilate. Today had one extraordinary news story that scares the shit out of me, like the stale air in a whoopee cushion. The rest of the stories made me laugh my ass chapped thus drawing me out of my BBQ cave. Greasy hair and all, baby!

This morning at about 8:40 a.m. I heard a radio story about Iran. You know, the “Best Democracy in the Middle East”. They have just issued a new identification code (http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1634857/posts). Scarlet Letter and the Holocaust beware and move on over, here comes Iran. They have decided all Jews will be required to wear a yellow stripe of cloth strip across their front. Christians will be required to do the same but it must be in red. Who is consulting Islamic Republic of Iran President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Queer eye for the Religiously Racist and Genocidal Guy? How many color choices were thrown about at the table before they chose? Or did they just go to their copies of Hate Crimes and Ethnic Cleansing for Dummies (pocket edition of course)? Did someone channel Hitler’s “Guide to Being a Prick“? Next thing you know all Homosexuals will be required to wear pink stripe strips (this is why pink triangles are used it is what Hitler used along with the yellow Stars of David). The only thing lacking here, beyond actual shapes, is intelligence. But they are the “Best Democracy in the Middle East”. Someone get Mahmoud Ahmadinejad a Shapo, I think Tupperware still sells them!

Onto the ridiculous and absurd. I love when the world is beyond bizarre as it makes me feel not so alone …

The Des Moines Register (http://www.desmoinesregister.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060516/LIFE02/605160389/) is reporting about a Dyersville, Iowa woman named Mary Wohlford. She has got a new tattoo. It was ink etched into her epidermis across her chest. She is eighty years old. The tattoo reads, “Do Not Resuscitate”. She would like to have her last wishes honored and not end up like a Grandma version of Terry Schiavo. She told the Register, “People might think I’m crazy, but that’s OK, sometimes the nuttiest ideas are the most advanced”. I can relate. The whole “in a world ruled by the insane the sane become insane” theory based on the Anton Chekhov short story “Ward No. 2”. I used this theory/premise to write my first novel. I also do not want to be a machine breathing squash either. Mary says, “I don’t believe in lawyers too much”. Well, she needs to start believing because lawyers are saying her tattooed "living will" won’t be held up. I don’t think that is a boob joke.

Speaking of older women, here in L.A. we have a new Bonnie and Clyde except this time it is Bonnie and Bonnie and the Homeless. Two seventy year old women were arrested the other day for suspicion of fraud and murder. It seems, according to the L.A. Times (http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-homeless19may19,0,5341822.story?coll=la-home-headlines), that Olga Rutterschmidt and Helen Golay have been taking out life insurance policies on homeless men that they have exchanged signatures for temporary housing with. Two of the men have been killed in hit and run accidents. Mowed down on skid row, what a way to go. These men were killed almost six years apart and the cases were previously considered not related. Two detectives, during a chance meeting in a police conference room, began exchanging case stories and realized the similarities. This led them to find out that 19 policies have been claimed amounting to over 2.2 million dollars. That’s right “million”. Police are now trying to figure out wether or not the women are responsible for driving through the men. Who said the homeless were worthless?

Homeless comes to mind and I think ILLEGALS. Silly me. Two new bytes of ILLEGAL news will be directed to websites as I know most people are tired of reading my rants about it. GrassFire.org (http://grassfire.org/) is putting up billboards that say “Stop the Invasion” and you can donate to the cause. The other is a set of two sites, Don’t Speak for Me (http://dontspeakforme.org/) and You Don’t Speak for Me (http://youdontspeakforme.com/). They are sites set up by Latino Americans that are fed up with ILLEGALS and the shenanigans that have ensued regarding the debate. Read on!

Just don’t dial those numbers, says USA today - the most homogenized pile of vomit in print. All of the numbers you call have been handed over to the evil empire. Ohhhhhh … ewwwwwww … ahhhhhhhhh. Run wild in the streets out of fear and hysteria (no, not Def Leppard). There is an article at NewsBusters.org (http://newsbusters.org/)  that lifts the lampshade for a little light to be shed on this riotous article from a few days back. It would appear as though not all of the numbers are being shared and the very liberal Democrat reporter got confused or his facts mixed and messed up. Tussle those facts around donkey boy. Facts are not gelled up strands of hair in a Flock of Seagulls concert. Step away from the printed Aqua Net! I am just curious if ANYBODY remembers J. Edgar Hoover? Why does everyone think this is new or illegal? The Supreme Court in ‘97 or ‘98 said it wasn’t. I get why people are upset … they haven’t studied their history or kept up with the times.

Keep up with the times Devil and dance, dance, dance. It seems as though Saddam Hussein can get published and I can’t! His romantic history fiction novel called “Devil’s Dance” is now being published in Japan (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,195285,00.html). The publishers and translators are hoping that it is made into a musical to be shown on Broadway in the heart of the country that is Saddam’s enemy. Pinch me. Am I awake? That’s it; I’m turning to genocide, torture, rape, and the capturing of countries so I can get a book out there. I think I have the “fox hole” hair and beard to do it too!

All I can think of is Dick Nixon saying, “cocksucker” in that muffled cheek arrogance of defiance and deception. All of tricky Dick’s anger and frustration fueled into the over pronunciation of that sinful little moniker. Cocksucker!

Calgon, Calgon, take me away and bath me right through the darkest of nights. Wrapped in a swaddling cloth and lay me down to die. Do not wake me for I do not know what I will say and can not be responsible for what I do. Paging Mr. Menendez, paging Mr. Eric Menendez.

Too much coffee once again. Too much chitter chatter jibber jabber. Let the dice be rolled and shut down the table. Black Jack Baby, I’m on fire!

Two good quotes to lick and lather up, and down as well:

“It is by freeing the mind from external influences, whether casual or emotional, that it obtains power to see somewhat of the truth of things.”, Aleister Crowley.

“Our goal is to discover that we have always been where we ought to be.”, Aldous Huxley

Dance bitch, dance!

Monday will, I assume, be another day. But we all know about "assume". You and me, you and me …