The monkeys harangue about and toss their shit towards the patrons. Hear the shrill shrieks of proud territory and the deep jungle bellows of sexual prowess?

No this is not a piece on Jane Goodall. This is our country.

Step back, the shit will soon hit the glass.

Today I learned of what could have been a dream organization and their website. However, I came home and went to their web page and found it only to be partially gratifying. Another lesson in ‘no two people think the same’.

I have to admit that I get very wound up and excited when people start professing Federalism. Any banter about reducing the Federal Government is just about the sweetest conversation I can think of when it comes to politics.

As I reflect on this ‘grass roots’ website, I crank up the tunes and flick on the light switch. I wonder if people below my open window think I am nuts. I knew there was a reason that the window stays closed 99% of the time. Close window, close.

Downsize D.C. is a website dedicated to getting rid of Big Government (http://www.downsizedc.org/). In the same hue, shade, and tone of Limbaugh, I don’t see a need to get rid of or regulate the asshole out of ‘BIG’ anything with the exception of ‘Big Government’. This website seemed like a bastion of sanity amongst the drowning waves of repetitive nausea that could coin the Federal Government a new name badge.

I was excited. I was giddy. Oh, joy be had and plundered about with grins and giggles as the children play in a perpetual state of glee.

I love glee.

I am going to reprint their mission statement as it is my experience that no one actually goes to the links I recommend or cite as source. This post could get long which will kill the other half of the readers who really only read and enjoy succinct little bytes wrapped up in a paragraph or two (these are the people that do not utilize the media as they do not make it past the header, or leader, and more often than not do not question what they read and normally don’t make it past the headline). I hope the two people that actually read this get something from it.

I know only two people will read this because I am not ‘pimping my tits’ or looking to ‘get funky’ with anyone’s bad self beyond my self.

Here it is:

"Our Mission:

We believe the federal government has grown too large, too intrusive, and too expensive. We believe in constitutional limits, small government, civil liberties, federalism, and low taxes.

We want to end laws and programs that don't work, cause harm, and violate the Constitution. We want to restore the full force of the 9th and 10th amendments, which reserve most social functions to the people and the states.

Our goal is to reduce the federal government to a tiny fraction of its current size, decentralize power, end deficits, federal borrowing, and monetary inflation, and eliminate most federal taxation and the IRS.

We intend to achieve these ambitious goals by petitioning Congress and the President to vote against or veto bad laws and programs, and to repeal old bad laws and programs.

We intend to make this petitioning effective by recruiting every American who believes in small, Constitutional government, decentralized power, civil liberties, and low taxes.

Our goal is to have millions of Americans emailing, writing, and calling their elected representatives to oppose bad laws, and to support laws that shrink the size, scope, intrusiveness, and cost of the federal government.

We will recruit these millions of Americans through the Internet, advertising, media interviews, and direct mail.

We will mobilize, direct, and express the will of the people to force the government to respond, through the sheer weight of our numbers. The success of our mission depends on you. We need you to . . .

Participate in our petitioning campaigns

Help us recruit more supporters by spreading word of our petitions to everyone you know

Contribute money so we can advertise our efforts, and thereby recruit as many supporters as fast as possible

Our approach is simple and direct.

You will be notified by email of new laws that should be either supported or opposed.

Our website will enable you to simply and quickly send a message to your elected representatives.

We will then give you a second email message to forward to people you know, asking them to email their representatives. This will cause our petitioning effort to grow.

We will use your financial contributions to recruit still more people through advertising, direct mail, and media interviews. Every new person we recruit will increase the power of your voice by increasing the pressure on our elected representatives to Downsize DC.

You will receive regular reports of our progress. We expect this progress to be steady and unstoppable.

If it were possible to create a huge army of people to pressure the politicians to Downsize DC, would you want that?

If it were possible to restore small, constitutionally limited government, decentralized power, fiscal responsibility, and low taxes, would you want that?

If it were possible that our approach was the right way to achieve these goals, would you want to contribute some of your time and money to that end?

If your answer to these questions is yes, then click here to make a contribution to our efforts. We look forward to your participation."

Ok.

If you have made it this far then you are an intelligent reader and actually looking to learn and not just gossip through a ‘poor me’ session over a ten dollar mocha-frappa-vanilla-late-expresso-light-grande with only soy, no sugar unless it is raw - just like the conversation.

Here come the real benefits: the knowledge of why I bring up this site and what it could and may mean to you.

This organization piqued my interest as I heard their president’s rap on the John and Ken Show Saturday edition. The bill at hand, the mission to be quested, the crème de la crème is the “Read The Bill Act”. The RTBA is definitely, without a doubt, a necessity when revising or twelve stepping our Federal Government.

Most Senators, Representatives, Presidents, Vice-Presidents, Aides, and Assistants ( both aides and assistants; read = lawyers) do not read the legislation that they sign. Throw that into the mix of Congressmen having an impossible 98% re-election ratio and you begin to see that infamous ice cube on top of the iceberg.

Do we really want men and women representing us via our votes to run around all helter-skelter, nillie-willie, and non-chalant scribing their nome de plumes down on the parchment that effects our everyday? Is this the power that we have carved out from the steak for them to digest? For them to get fat from? For them to smile at us about when it comes to baby kissing time, when they are shaking hands acting like they did not know any better like little school children who have broken the water fountain, or bubbler as I knew it as, all while denying they have know idea why their shirt and shorts are wet?

NO!

Ok, so they sign, sign, sign away and that is what it is. It IS time to change it. Even if I do not agree with all of what Downsize D.C. is fighting against, it is quite the noble cause.

The math doesn’t make any sense when it comes down to these midnight votes of bills that have been amended and anointed as the best thing since sliced bread. Each Congressmen would have to spend more time than what is possible to read all of this legislation that they sign up for. It is impossible. Even with a full staff of readers and interpreters they would still not grasp enough of each signatures repercussions if they were just simply briefed.

Do I give a flying fuck about Mahmood’s rights to not be wiretapped when he is using Western Union to wire tens of thousands of dollars back to an Arabian country of Islamic fervor? No.

Do I care about the cherry growers being dicked around by the government when it comes to press releases and studies of how cherries are better than some meds when used to treat certain ailments? Yes.

The monkeys blindly sign and we are left to blindly abide what their signatures prescribe.

Everything is a slippery slope. Everyone wants a perfect world. I know my daughter does. I want that world for her.

I know that the perfect world is as tangible a Valhalla and Asgard.

A road laid with tar and filled in with tacks.

Watch where you step.

Make sure you read what you sign.

It will be easier for most legislators when it is all in Spanish.

The jazz will still play but you can bet that T.V. and News will be a smidge different as the Congressmen bathe in their lack of accountability, as they do now.

Bask, bathe, boil.

Roll around in it you fat ass pigs, the pork will soon be fried.

I love bacon and so do the monkeys …

Don Perata.

Sounds like a real innocent name, right?

Sounds like a healthy name, the name of a man that would require a bit of respect upon it’s mentioning.

Don Perata.

(http://democrats.sen.ca.gov/templates/SDCTemplate.asp?cp=MemberPage&pg=senhome&sln=Perata&sdn=09&zrn=Zone/)

Incorrect.

Don Perata is the President pro Tem to the California state Congress. He is a Democrat from the Oakland Bay area, East Bay specifically.

He is FUBAR.

I wrote recently, even if briefly, about Governor Schwarzenegger calling anti-ILLEGAL immigrant/pro-border protection voters as ‘prejudiced’. He made this statement after attending a San Diego county town hall meeting on the topic. It bothered a lot of Southern California residents and there were plenty being verbal about their disgust. This is important to the story as you read on.

There is a California State Senator named Gilbert Cedillo (http://democrats.sen.ca.gov/templates/SDCTemplate.asp?cp=MemberPage&pg=senhome&sln=Cedillo&sdn=22&zrn=Zone/). He is known as ‘One Bill Gil’. This is due to the fact that Gil, for the seventh consecutive year, is trying to pass a bill that would make available driver’s licenses for ILLEGAL immigrants. I know some of you think that offering up laminated documentation of residency is a way to justify the existence of ILLEGAL immigrants, as well as allowing the ‘purchasing of car insurance’ boondoggle to occur and fill up the pockets of insurance salesman statewide, but it never works the way we think it will when generosity is on the tips of our tongues. There is not one single ILLEGAL immigrant that is going to run out and grab up the insurance needed to operate a motor vehicle just based on the reception of a ‘license’. It will not happen. California voters have said over the course of six separate inspirations that it is not acceptable.

According to a Field Poll from February 2006, 52% of voters say to blow the ILLEGAL license out of Gil’s ass. Amongst Democrats the consensus was 47% - 47%. That goes to show that no one in California wants this incipient little piece of droll humanities exercise enacted as law.

The seventh son of the seventh son is being prepared for gubernatorial judgment, yet again. It will be interesting if it makes it to Arnold’s desk before or after the elections this fall.

MMMMMMMMM. Are you wondering like me? Nope. I didn’t think so.

Ok so this brings us to Don Perata. Nice and easy monikered, Don Perata.

Don was recently poised with the question of when the bill will hit the big desk in Sacramento. His response was, simply put, down right offensive.

Here is a lesson on how to make racism an acceptable avenue for playing the race card.

His statements are as follows:

“Immigration is a red meat issue. You've got all these crackers down in San Diego taking on the governor. Even the governor was shocked. Those aren't the people I represent. But there is no point in getting into a pitched, vocal battle with these people. ... If you start getting engaged with these people, you get tar all over yourself."

This quote is an abbreviated quotation of what I heard verbatim on audio. There were a lot more stutters, cackles from the press - yes I mean laughing, and some hesitation that made ol’ Don look like a cunt.

Let’s look at the word cracker, beyond it’s snack treat definition. There are numerous references in the San Francisco Chronicle’s three way feedback of linguistics (http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2006/08/04/BAG7IKB9651.DTL&feed=rss.news). I would prefer to show you the couple I came up with, although the S.F. ones are not so far from the mark.

Rhyme Zone’s last definition is “a poor white person in the southern United States” (http://www.rhymezone.com/r/rhyme.cgi?Word=cracker&typeofrhyme=def&org1=syl&org2=l).

Eight of the ten definitions on Urban Dictionary come up with some disparaging remark or reference to Caucasians (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cracker).

Free Online Dictionary defines ‘cracker‘ many different ways. In it’s last of three definitions the subtitle is ‘offensive’. The two sub definitions are:3. Offensive a. Used as a disparaging term for a poor white person of the rural, especially southeast United States. b. Used as a disparaging term for a white person (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/cracker).

Don has issued an apology. I am still repulsed. I cringe at the thought of this man being in a power role of any variety. I do not accept his “sorry” nor do I offer him the gratification of accepting a smile form me as I walk down the street. The man is cut from the most ignorant cloth in the world.

This man is under the gun barrel of investigation. Not only is the F.B.I. investigating his devious behavior and actions but the Department of Justice is as well. He is being probed for the acceptance of funds from Interest Groups regarding legislation to be passed.

Perata continued to say, "I don't want to give undue advantage in an election year to people I believe do not have the best interest of this democracy at heart, some of those people that I intemperately call crackers."

His apology was as follows: "Next time I come to Sacramento in August, I'll be sure to run the air conditioner," the statement said. "While I am concerned about the coarse and divisive tone used by a small minority in the driver's license debate, I believe that the vast majority on both sides are people of goodwill."

A real swell fella huh?

Keep in mind that ‘One Bill Gil’ is saying other ridiculous things that fuel the fire: "The debate is inflamed by extremist right wingers to the point of irrationality," he said. "It is inflamed by shock jocks on AM radio who beat and pound the issue every day to an ever-shrinking audience. They do not reflect the opinion of the people of California."

The radio station that Gil is referring to is 640 a.m. KFI in Los Angeles who, with their declining listener ship, has been rated number one in Los Angeles and the specific program the “John and Ken Show”  is a number one program in L.A. in their time slot.

Gil and Don are on their own ship. A ship that needs to refuel.

Many KFI listeners called in starting at the three o’clock hour trying to get their words heard and their points listened to. The effort, of course, was unsuccessful.

John and Ken have started a campaign to send Don Perata Saltines and I suggest you get a' sending (http://www.johnandkenshow.com/). Even if you are not in California - send them.

An African American caller was going to send chocolate graham crackers as a protest since she thought Saltine's to be to color specific.

Even she hates ILLEGAL immigration.

This is not a 'white' issue. It is an American issue. We need to stand up and not believe the hype spewed upon us by communist fronts and liberal hokie pokie machines hoping to pass what they want to as we sleep at the wheel.

Get up, Stand up!

One caller complained of an African-American call taker referring to the Caucasian caller as ’you people’.

By four o’clock the callers were being hung up on.

One hour is all it takes. It is all the government vampire needs to shut it’s coffin lid.

Throw me in a pine box - I want none of the bullshit that these boys shovel.

How many days til the World sings true again?

How many nights do I have to worry about our border?

It won't matter much what I say. I am a white amle who does not take payola. I am thinking of alot of nights. Alot of nights to fix it all.

Too many …

As I began to jot this little make up ditty that should have been done yesterday, I reflect on the news I have heard through the day and even scan quickly over what ever notes I have made regarding stories I want to write about or touch base on later in the day. I take the time normally to look up links to the stories that I write about so you, the reader, can have confidence that I am referring to real stories and also so you can look into the stories more at your leisure.

Tonight I was pretty much shit out of luck.

A bust.

I was a searching fool. A lot of what interested me just wasn’t coming up.

So this essay is entirely reference free. I can not link you. If you are curious abut one subject or another, google your brains out and then tell me what you have found.

Hopefully my mind will serve me right, along with my memory:

We will start out with the most disgusting and repulsive story of the day. Phillip Distasio (this is the ONLY story I found a link to via CNN, so I know I spelled his name right). Phillip Distasio. Arcadian Fields Ministries. This is the name of the church that he is a leader at. This is a sick and disturbed man who is currently facing 74 counts of rape, corruption through drugs and pandering obscenity to minors in Ohio. This whole story really nauseates me. I’m physically ill while I write this. Phillip is acting as his own lawyer and is quite proud of being a pedophile. Did you catch that, ‘proud’?

Distasio said, “"I'm a pedophile. I've been a pedophile for 20 years. The only reason I'm charged with rape is that no one believes a child can consent to sex. The role of my ministry is to get these cases out of the courtrooms."

Read that statement again. Phillip Distasio. Arcadian Fields Ministries.

Accusations have been made on behalf of two disabled boys who claim molestation and seven autistic children who have allegedly been raped. Only one of the children was over the age of thirteen.

Have you thrown up yet?

I have.

Story two is the crazy doctor who told the fat woman that “only black men” would like her becasue of her ass size and when asked by a recovering brain surgery patient about something to help her headache, he recommended a gun to blow out her brains, saying that “that would work”. It isn’t so much of a story when it is written next to the telling of Phillip Distasio. The doctor is allowed to be a prick to his patients if he wants to be. This is what has been ruled.  The repercussions and consequence of him being a douche bag is that eventually he’ll have no patients and if he wants to work in the field of medicine then he will be forced to subject himself to cadaver work in the morgue or a stint in the penile system, corrections that is. Maybe he will get to cure Distasio’s sniffles one day.

Bedside what?

I know with everything in Israel and Lebanon that, maybe I should be writing about that. I look at it as return after intermission or sitting down after the seventh inning stretch. The uncertainty of the extent of any future U.S. involvement since Afghanistan and Iraq put the party of Canaan on pause; a simple and very faux hiatus. The U.S. is wind dick waving and the party is set to eleven.

Can you hear me? Do you care?

I am much more concerned about Elvis’ teddy bear or Mel Gibson’s round of apologies ad infinitum.

I tried to google Wookie, Wooky, and Wuki Museum in Britain and could not find the story of the good guard dog gone bad. The new guard dog, who I think was named Howard, decided after he was on the job for about half a dozen nano seconds that eating the teddy bears and other stuff collectables that he was guarding was a great idea. Love me tender! Stuffing abound.

On a side note: I recently realized that Jesus and Elvis (from a sylabic and metre stand point) are interchangeable in songs. 'Nobody knows the trouble I've seen, nobody knows but Elvis.'

And onto the Mighty Mel. As I wrote here, I have been very, very suspicious about this whole story from the get-go. I am not sure what to believe at this point. From what I understand the original 5,000 dollar bail was not really put up but rather it was a rumor. I never understood the bail to begin with. Now they are saying that Rob Schneider is so appalled that he ran a full page in Variety today that says he will never work for any project having anything to do with Mel Gibson. At the bottom of the ad he plugs his new movie “Big Stan”. Thinking for sure that this was an over the top reaction to some drunken off the cuff words that are protected by the same amendment that let Schneider run the ad to begin with, I dug a little deeper. Shazam! Schneider did the same thing a year ago to promote “Duece Bigalow: European Gigolo” but that time his ad was directed at L.A. Times reporter Patrick Goldstein. It’s just proof that I should be watching a little more C-Span and a little less CNN or Fox.

By the way, Time Magazine reports that Mel did have previous D.U.I. in 1984 while filming in Toronto. This is when he became devout to his faith in order to battle alcholism.

From Willie-Nillie to Willie Nelson. Time magazine gave this weeks "Ten Questions" to Willie Nelson. When asked about his biofuel, BioWillie, he said, “My wife came to me three or four years ago and wanted to buy this Volkswagen Jetta and put biodiesel in it. It sounded like a big scam. I said, ‘You been in my Maui-Wowie again.’ But she bought the car, and it gets good mileage and the tail pipe smells like French fries.”

Save some of the Wowie for me Willie, please?

I’ll touch base on some more fun and fodder from Time tomorrow but one more nook and cranny to butter before I go.

Mako died this past week at the age of 72. All the amazing actors are on their way out. It is like watching T-Rex go anorexic and collapse. Good-bye real actors, Hello Matt Damon and Ben Asslick, I mean Affleck. Some of you might remember him from the film “The Sand Pebbles” but I remember him from the Dino DeLaurentis productions of Conan. Mako was the wizard and what a wizard he was. A little moment of silence would be appreciated by not only his fans but, I am sure, his spirit as well.

Hopefully my google google’s better tomorrow. I sure hope so. I don’t want to present as a hack.

Although I know where that door leads.

Laugh it up, laugh it up.

Calling Herb Stempel, Herb Stempel you have a telephone call ...

With my impending 29 day stay in the county jail peeking around the corner at me, I figured I would share a great story of love lost and found - the incarcerated way.

Just recently the L.A. Times (http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-redstall1aug01,0,3378018.story?page=1&coll=la-home-headlines) printed an article about a bit part actress/traffic reporter stalker, Victoria Redstall, and a depraved slice ‘em, dice ‘em sociopath, Wayne Adam Ford, and the love they share.

I am dedicating a whole essay to this little amusement of reality as I, honestly, believe this warrants a great deal of attention and, quite possibly, some inward reflection.

I know I am pondering more about my future room mate now then I was before hearing of this tale.

Once again, no testing will be required.

Wayne Adam Ford (http://www.crimelibrary.com/serial_killers/predators/wayne_adam_ford/index.html)was a long-haul trucker from Northern California who had a taste for murder, torture and mutilation. His last victim was Patricia Anne Tamez who was a 29 year old prostitute soliciting John’s in Victorville California. She was found, a couple days after her run in with Wayne, in the California Aqueduct with one of her breasts cut from her torso. This is the missing link that Wayne produced upon arriving at the Humboldt County Sheriff’s office in Eureka. It was in a sandwich bag inside his pocket.

This began the tale telling of terror known as the actions of Wayne Adam Ford. He had begun the story years before with his first murder. Wayne was a marine who was discharged in the mid ‘80’s due to ‘mental problems’. He was a violent man by any man’s standards. He shot his own dog to death in his back yard. He was charged with and found guilty of animal cruelty charges. Being shot is pretty cruel.

In all he abducted, raped, tortured, murdered and dismembered four women; three prostitutes and one hitchhiker.

This past June he was convicted of four counts of first degree murder. Monday was the start of the penalty phase. I hope they let ravenous buzzards pick and peck him to death, although that would still not be enough.

Enter Victoria Redstall.

If you have boob insecurities and you are looking to firm up and plump out without surgery, then you probably know who she is. She is the ‘celebrity’ spokesperson for Grobust.

If you don't believe me just go and google 'Grobust', or any variation. Go ahead, I'll wait. Anyway ...

At Herb Shop’s website (http://www.herbshop.com/grobust_victoria_redstall.htm) they explain that she is getting fantastic results with her use of Grobust. They also say she is a day time star on ‘Sunset Beach’. Her resume does not include said ‘gig’ but she did have a bit part in ‘The Rock’ and ‘Nothing to Lose’ (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0715174/).

I suppose it doesn’t matter how pathetic her career is or how insecure she is regarding her mammalian protuberances; she is in love with a man she can trust with her life.

Wayne and Victoria, sitting in a tree.

I know the irony, itself, is overwhelming.

A breast thief with a breast pusher. We live in an amazing world. To think that E-Harmony didn’t fix up this match made in heaven is amazing. It is such a match.

Their love made the news due to her presence during the hearings which had become disruptive. The judge needed to validate her 'press credentials'. She had claimed that she was there to make a documentary. Even though she provided the judge with paper work showing her movie making proof, she was not let back into court. Her picture was even posted as a reminder to court officials and officers not to let her in. She wants a copy of the photo.

After all of her friends gave her the usual rubbish conversations and lectures about dating a serial killer, she responded by saying, “We've all got evil in us — all of us. He took it to the extent of killing humans…. But I'm going on the man he is today and the remorse that he has today."

Every officer that has dealt with him, every interviewer, has said that he has absolutely no remorse and that he is the purest definition of evil there is.

What’s not to love?

Victoria told the press that his visits with her are the moments of light during his dark days. After getting to know each other through the glass of detention she sent him Dwight Yoakam lyrics when he could not remember them. This made Wayne a real happy feller. If only Vicky had been there before all the blood and body parts and pocket sized breast bags. Vicky knows supplements work much better than breast bags and she knows her country music.

Ahhhhh, that Bakersfield sound.

Victoria is also known around Los Angeles as the crazy gal who LOVES traffic reporter/pilots. She is a stalker of sorts. Mike Nolan, of KFI 640 a.m. Los Angeles - "KFI in the Sky", has common friends with Victoria and describes her as being a "gregarious young woman". I think that is traffic reporter speak for ‘crazy ass nut job’. Maybe I am wrong.

She became so obsessed with media pilots that she was cited for standing on her balcony, scantily clad, attracting helicopter and small aircraft attention. She would do this over and over again. It is rumored that she used a common radio frequency to communicate with the pilots and ease along the coaxing.

A regular Juliet, huh?

I take back ever, for a moment, thinking that I might be wrong.

Crazy ass nut job!

I will be in county jail from August 11th through September 10th for a D.U.I. that happened last September 18^th. I was not in an accident or driving reckless. I had expired tags. Not only am I a moron for having had drinks of an alcoholic nature before driving but for also driving with bad tags. Moron is to put it lightly.

I will not con some busty busted bust-a-lot hawker into a love-me style support group or cult.

I am hoping that I do not see anyone like Wayne while I am ‘inside’.

I am thinking I will be just fine.

Mistakes are made and choices are had, along with the repercussions and consequences.

I own up to the aforementioned.

Nothing in my pocket to get me in.

A whole lot of lessons learned while I am there …